


Days of Future Past Rick

by X-Xepher-X (Xepher369), Xepher369



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Adventure, All Young Rick wants to know is what is cable television, But follows T.V series, Comic book elements, Confused Young Rick, Follows Canon, Humor, LITERALLY, Multi, Rick's Past bites him in the ass, Rick's past brought up, Sort of OC insert, Sort of not OC insert, Three idiots in a UFO, Young Rick joins Rick and Morty on adventures
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-10-29 08:39:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10850403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xepher369/pseuds/X-Xepher-X, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xepher369/pseuds/Xepher369
Summary: In which drunk Rick brings his younger self into the future. And keeps him there.All Rick(y) Sanchez wanted to do was go to home sweet home all the way back in 1973. But his older asshole self won't let him, and he doesn't know why. How will Rick's young self fare on all of his crazy adventures?





	1. How The Hell Did We Get Here?

There. He almost had it. Freedom tasted so close.

“Come on, come on, come on…” the teen mumbled hastily under his breath. His powdery blue hair fell straight into his wide, panicking eyes, yet he didn't bother to move the strands out of his face. He was about to solve his dilemma and give a big fat middle finger to the world. Or, you know, just Rick. Preferably Rick.

He practically stabbed the screwdriver into every little screw, crevasse, and hole it would jam into. It was only a matter of minutes until Rick would burst in and drag him somewhere. He obviously drank a few bottles of something filled with alcohol from God knows where, considering he could hear his loud burps and batshit mumbles. But, he knew he could finish in time.

“Ooohhh crap!” He finally exclaimed in utter relief. With one last screw turn, the handheld device lit up like a Christmas tree. A smile of relief covered his unusually grey skin, as though he was the freaking happiness teen in the universe. As the taste of freedom set in, he slicked back his hair out of from eyes, and held onto that device as though it was made of gold. He jumped up from his chair, and proceeded to pull up his unusually sagging blue jeans. As he walked to the nearest blank wall, he tugged down his white tank top, so the first thing people wouldn't see when he arrived back home was his butt crack. He wasn't exactly Rick…

With a press of a button, he straighten out his arm and let the hand held device charge up like a battery', and glow in front of his eyes. Although he didn't quite show it, he was happy, excited. He was finally going back home.

Or, so he thought.

Once the makeshift portal gun shot off, it...burned a giant hole right through the bedroom wall.

“Aw shit...” The teen mumbled under his breath, causing his arms to go limp and drop the pathetic excuse for a portal gun straight to the ground.

“Ricky”

The unscathed door suddenly burst open, causing the painfully drunk scientist to stumble in, and collapse straight onto the green carpet. A splash of beer dripped right onto the clean carpet, before Rick finally stumbled back into his drunk, slippery feet. Even though he was stupidly drunk, the teen, Ricky, folded his hands right behind his back, and kicked the portal gun in the works right under his bed.

“Uh, hi, Rick, uh, you see that hole in the wall over there? Don't, uh, worry about it. Really, you-” Ricky attempted to defend, but was swiftly cut off once drunk Rick clamped onto his arm, and began to yank him out.

“You gotta come with me Ricky,” Rick burped and swallowed more beer “Y-you - We gotta get Morty”

“Uh, Why?” Ricky asked as he practically smashed his face into the wall.

“We gotta go and get Morty, Ricky” Rick slurred as he proceeded to stumble out the door, failing to see the giant gaping hole next to him. Before Ricky was dragged right out of his room, he swept off a brown belt and a jean jacket from the beat up storage cabinet.

Even as he slipped on the rest of his clothes, Ricky was basically helpless as Rick slammed the door open and spread his hand over the wall to turn on the lights. Moments later, he felt face first into the carpet, slipping more of his beer on innocent, clean carpet.

“You gotta come on. Jus'-You gotta come with us” Rick muttered through his drunkenness as he crawled to Morty’s bed.

The other young teen dragged down his covers and rubbed his eyes “What, Rick? What’s going on?”

“I got a surprise for you, Morty” Rick ignored his question.

“It's the middle of the night. What are you talking about? What’s he talking about Ricky?” Morty muttered as he raised his brow.

Ricky shrugged casually “Gee, I don't know Morty, maybe he wants to blow up earth” He sarcastically mumbled as he waved his hands - no, hand into the air “How should I know? He's, wasted beyond belief”

“Come on, I got a surprise for you,” Rick slipped more beer on his covers, before he simply dropped his beer bottle. With that, he grabbed Morty's thing legs, and proceed to drag him out of his warm bed by his leg, like he was nothing more than a doll “Come on, hurry up”

“Ow! Ow!” Morty cried as his head slammed into everything imaginable in his bedroom “You're tugging me too hard!”

“We gotta go, gotta get outta here, come on. Got a surprise for you Morty…” Rick continued to mumble, mutter and slur until they reached the garage. It was only then he shut his mouth, and shoved the two teens into what looked like a UFO. While Morty landed face first into the rather hard, pointy seat, Ricky casually slipped through, and crossed his arms in utter frustration. Seconds later, Rick shoved the key into the the weird UFO flying car things and took off into the clear, star night sky.

“What do you think of this... flying vehicle, Morty?” Rick slurred “I built it outta stuff I found in the garage”

“Yeah, Rick…” Morty nervously mumbled “I-It's great. Is this the surprise?”

“Morty. I had to... I had to do it. I had- I had to- I had to make a bomb, Morty. I had to create a bomb”

Ricky snapped his eyes open in shock “A what?!”

“What?! A bomb?!” Morty followed in shock. He immediately snapped his head to Ricky, who violently shook his head in utter confusion.

“I wasn't serious, I was being a dick!” Ricky defended “I didn't think Rick would resort to blowing earth to bits!”

“We're gonna drop it down there just get a whole fresh start, Morty,” Rick waved his hand through the air, before he magically picked up another beer bottle from the floor “Create a whole fresh start”

“T-t-that's absolutely crazy!” Morty exclaimed. He couldn't help but scoot a bit farther away from the stupidly drunk Rick.

“Come on, Morty. Just take it easy, Morty. It's gonna be good” Rick attempted to lazily comfort, with utter fail “Right now, we're gonna go pick up your little friend Jessica”

Ricky collapsed to the back seat and crossed his arms once more, as though the news of a bomb failed to even faze him “Who's Jessica, Morty?” He smirked mischievously “That chick from your math class?”

“Uh...well...N-not exactly…” Morty trailed off.

“She does have a fine ass, kid, a really fine ass…” Ricky trailed off, before he gave a congratulatory pat on Morty’s shoulder “You did good. You're making your old man proud”

“What? Huh?”

Before Ricky could give an explanation, Rick leaned towards Morty and wrapped his long tentacle of an arm around his neck. Marty grimaced slightly as the smell of alcohol and beer immediately filled his nose.

“When I drop the bomb you know, I want you to have somebody, you know?” Rick explained through his drunkenness “I want you to have the thing. I'm gonna make it like a new Adam and Eve, and you're gonna be Adam”

“Ohhh….” Morty reluctantly trailed off

“And Jessica's gonna be Eve”

“Whhhh-wha?” Morty blinked in utter shock.

“And so that's the surprise, Morty” Rick replied in an excited tone as he swished his beer bottle across his dash.

“Then why the hell am I here Rick?” Ricky asked with a curiously raised brow. If he wasn't going to 'get' any, he might as well jump out of the freaking flying UFO and splatter his insides across the city.

“Yo-you-you-you know, because of the thing” Rick stuttered as he took another long gulp of his beer.

“The thing?”

“Yeah, the thing”

“W-Wait, Ricky, what's the thing?” Morty asked.

“Oh, yeah,” Ricky rolled his eyes “the thing…”

“What are you both talking about?” Morty asked once more.

“T-the thing Morty, the thing,” Rick slurred, as though that answered his question completely “I-It doesn't-we can talk about it later. Now shut it Morty, w-w-we gotta planet to decimate”

“No, you can't!” Morty shouted as he violently shoved Rick “Jessica doesn't even know I exist! But- but, but forget about that, because you can't blow up humanity!”

“Wait, she doesn't know you?” Ricky asked. With no definite answer from the love-sick young teen, he glared at Morty in disappointment “Then fuck me and my words…”

“I-I get what you're trying to say, Morty. Listen, I'm not…” As he took another sip of his beer, about half of it dribbled out of his mouth and soaked into his shirt “You don't got… Y-You don’t gotta worry about me trying to fool around with Jessica or mess around with Jessica or anything. I'm not that kind of guy, Morty. Y-you gotta be careful with that younger version of me though. I got everyone's c-ch-chicks back in the day”

“What are you talking about Rick?” Morty asked, with obvious panic beginning to set into his voice.

Another large, tired sigh escaped the blue haired teen, causing him to cross his arms tightly and slump into his trashed seat like a brat who was dragged along on a Thanksgiving road trip “Well Morty, this drunk cat is out of the bag from the looks of it…” he reluctantly trailed his eyes across the listless mad scientist, whose head practically hovered over the dashboard “I'm your old man, uh, technically speaking- well, actually, not really, but, uh, you get the point”

“You're my what Ricky?” Morty asked, with a raised brow. From that dumb look on his face, it was obvious he didn't catch onto a thing he said.

In what seemed like panic, Ricky clenched his hands into fits and grabbed onto Morty's shirt “I'm saying your old man dragged his younger self into the future!” Ricky exclaimed “I AM Rick! I'm Rick Sanchez! I’m Rick-motherfucking-Sanchez Morty!”

“W-wait, you're saying you a younger version of Rick?”

Ricky vigorously nodded “And he won't send me back home! Y-you gotta help me Morty, and get me home before he screws up everything for me! I barely know what what's in this future! What the hell is cable television Morty? What. The hell. Is. it?”

“Rick, is-is this true?” Morty asked reluctantly as he tried to fight off Ricky’s clenching, panicking fists. As much as he tried to push and shove his so called grandpa, he stayed on to his shirt like glue.

“You- you don't have to worry about me getting with Jessica or anything” Rick ignored his question completely “Just worry about-about him getting your girl”

“I don't care about Jessica!” Marty exclaimed “Y-Yyyyyyyyyyou-”

You know what, Morty? You're right” He licked the last of the beer from his glass bottle, before he chucked it into the back seat. Ricky immediately unclenched his hands from Morty's shirt and dived out of the way from the incoming chunk of glass “Let's forget the girl all together. She, she's probably nothing but trouble, anyways”

Rick dig his fingers into the steering wheel, and pressed a big, fat red button the the dash board. Seconds later, a smooth, clear tone pleasantly red out the weapon that would destroy the entire world.

" _Arming neutrino bomb_ "

That was it for Morty. That was it. With a loud sigh, he unbuckled himself from his seat, and dived for the steering wheel “That's it-that's it, Rick. I'm taking the wheel”

Morty lunged at the painfully drunk Rick, and proceeded to punch and kick him for control of the wheel.

“Get off of me, Morty!” Rick yelled back, as he slammed his hand into Morty’s persistent face. Even as he nearly stabbed his eyes with his fingers, Morty still reached at the wheel for dear life.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, are you trying to get us all killed?!” Ricky yelled, as he attempted to pull back Morty's clawing hands from Rick.

“I'm taking charge of this situation, buddy!” Morty shouted as he slammed his foot into Rick’s face “I'm put-I’m, I'm, I'm, I'm puttin’…I-I’m, I’m, I’m not gonna stand around like some sort of dumb…dumb person and just le-let you ruin the whole world!”

Rick groaned as he tried to fight him off “Come on! What’s gotten into you? If you love Earth so much why don’t you marry it?” He finally ripped Morty's clinging hands from his body, causing his hands to dig deeper into the dinky little steering wheel “What are you, crazy? Alright, Alright, Morty! Alright. I'll- I'll land. I'll land. I'll land. I'll land the thing. I’ll land the thing. Big tough guy all of a sudden”

As Morty's sent a glare hit enough to burn a hole right through Rick's bald spot, the drunk scientist dangerously flew the car to the open desert. Ricky and Morty had to cling onto the rotted seats as Rick dived into the sand, causing the UFO to slide across the cold desert floor. Seconds later, the painfully intoxicated Rick bursted out of the car, and kept a mountain of empty beer bottles tumble to the ground.

"We'll park it right here, Morty" Rick slurred, as he clinged onto the slide of the car "Right here on the side of the ree… road here"

"Oh, thank God" Morty sighed, knowing that his life wasn't in danger anymore. Or, at least the entire freaking world anymore. So he thought.

"You know what? That was all a test, Morty" Rick explained as he fumbled in his coat pocket for his flask "Just an elaborate test to make you more assertive"

"Huh?" Ricky blinked in surprise. Did he hear right?

"It was?" Morty asked.

"Sure. Why not? I don’t, I don't know. Y-you know what, Mo-" Like a switch, Rick suddenly collapsed into his mountain of beer bottles, knocked completely out. The 'happy juice' from his flask ran out and dripped onto the fine sand, as the scientist snored away, as though broken glass wasn't stabbing his chest.

" _Neutrino bomb armed_ " The car rang out pleasantly, as though it was reading a freaking menu from a hipster cafe.

"Um..." Morty anxiously trailed off, causing his eyes to reluctantly scan across the control panel.

" _Detonating in 10...9...8..._ " The voice began to count down. Morty's eyes immediately began to widen in complete and utter fear, as though he was about to one in his pants.

"Rick, R-Rick," Morty fumbled for his seatbelt, and ripped it right off. He immediately dived towards the steering wheel,a nod began to shake the obliviously asleep Rick like a rattle by his coat "Rick, wake up, Rick! We're gonna die! I'm-I'm too young to die! I'm still a v-virgin Rick! We-"

"Calm your tits Morty, and shut up for a second" Ricky commanded harshly, as he crawled to the empty passenger seat. He shoved Morty to the driver's seat, and began to push what seemed like an array of random buttons. The teen himself could barely comprehend the multiple buttons Ricky pressed with ease. It barely even looked as though he was remotely trying to save the world from a freaking bomb. Seconds later however, he leaned back into the rotting chair and crossed his arms smugly.

" _3...2...system override. Disarming neutrino bomb. Have a nice day"_ the UFO finally called out, causing Morty's pounding chest to finally take a well needed rest.

"Oh thank fucking God..." Morty sighed in relief, before he collapsed into the seat.

"See, everything is alllrrright Morty," Ricky said calmly, as he crossed his arms in the back of his head "And do me a favor will you kid? Next time we're close to death, don't bring your penis into the situation. Your 14, not Keith Richards"

"Oh..." Morty trailed off, causing his head away from Ricky "W-wait then, why-why are you even here? Why d-did Rick bring his younger self into-into the future?"

Ricky could only shrug "Beats me. If I knew why, I wouldn't be trying to, uh, sneaking around him and trying to get outta here. I know I have the traits of being a dick, and so does Rick but..." he narrowed his eyes as he took a rather long look at his older, drunk self "How the HELL did I turn into that?"

"S-so he won't let you back?"

"Nope"

"Oh..."

Ricky scoffed "I know Morty, tell me about it...And guess what kid? You're gonna help me get back"

"I-I am?" Morty replied reluctantly.

"Yeah, kid, you are. Who knows how much Rick already fucked up the timeline..." Ricky trailed off. He snapped his head to Morty, and threateningly stabbed his finger through the air "If you, uh, tell Rick about helping me, I'm gonna...I'm gonna" Ricky rolled his eyes to the ceiling of the car, thinking of a threat "I'm gonna make your sister my girlfriend and, uh, then I'm gonna marry her, then... I'm gonna fuck her up and we're gonna have lots of children Morty. Tons of children Morty, and, uh, we're gonna live happily ever after"

"Ew, that's gross, she's-she's your granddaughter. That's like-That's like incest" Morty pointed out, as he reluctantly glanced at well, his grandfather.

"Then peep a words about this at Rick!" Ricky exclaimed. Seconds later, he sighed, and slid down his rotting seat "I'm-I'm 18 Morty, and Summer is really nice...and hot, but, uh, really nice...but at the same time-"

"Shut the hell up Ricky!"

"Yeah, your probably right Morty" Ricky replied quickly "Here, grab your old man and let's get outta here. I'm driving"

Morty quickly nodded and pulled his drunken mess of a grandpa into the car. Like a rag doll, he chucked him into the backseat, causing his legs to stick up into the air like toothpicks. Before he could rearrange him, Ricky shoved the key back into the UFO car, and began to fly off into the distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So, I hoped you all enjoyed of what's (hopefully) to come.
> 
> So, the premise is pretty obvious. Basically Rick's young, not so naive self joins Rick and Morty on all of their adventures. It's sort of an OC insert story, but at the same time, kinda not if you get what I mean. Don't worry, it won't be an exact copy of canon, if I decide to continue. I'll spice it up.
> 
> On that note...should I continue? Let me know in the comments your honest opinion.


	2. Pilot

“I see there's a new episode of that singing show tonight. Who do you guys think is gonna be the best singer?”

It was like a day like any other in the Smith family household: Jerry went on and on about topics no one gave a hoot about, Beth was on the verge of leaving to work with no plan to come back home, Summer had her eyes glued onto her phone for the 5th hour in the morning, Rick looked at his entire so called family in disappointment, Ricky stuffed his face with eggs and bacon to keep his sanity about the future, and of course Morty was on the verge of crashing into a nap. Seconds later, he did. Into his plate.

“Oh my God, his head is in his food…” Summer said in disgust “I'm going to puke”

“Morty, are you getting sick?” Beth sighed in concern “I told you not to practice-kiss the living-room pillow. The dog sleeps on it”

As Ricky shoved another pile of bacon into his mouth, he used his free arm and shook Morty right awake. He seemed to blink a few times to wake himself up, until the feeling of wet, sloppy eggs began to run down his face. With a small groan, he wiped if forehead clean off and flicked his food back into his plate.

“I wasn't kissing a pillow, mom. I just I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Maybe my dreams were just too loud or something” Morty defended.

“Yeah, cause that's the problem…” Ricky sarcastically mumbled as he chugged down a cup of fresh, weak coffee.

“Or maybe you were out all night again with Grandpa Rick” Summer mumbled, typing mindlessly away on her phone.

“What?” Jerry blinks in surprise.

“Dad?” Beth replied doubtfully,

Rick simply groaned and rolled his eyes, as though he danced this dance a hundred times “What, so everyone's supposed to sleep every single night now? You realize that nighttime makes up half of all time?”

“Damn it!” Jerry hissed,

“Jerry!”

“Beth!”

“Oh my God, my parents are so loud, I want to _die_ ” Summer groaned, as though it was the end of the freaking world.

“Mm, there is no God, Summer” Rick swiftly shook his head “You gotta rip that band-aid off now. You'll thank me later”

“Nice kids I - you raised Rick..” Ricky couldn't help but roll his eyes at his older self. Rick seemed to send a small, yet piercing glare, as though he was carefully trying to burn a hole through his younger self, or getting an early start on his bald spot. Until Rick gave him a good smack on the head.

Ricky immediately bit his lip and clamped onto his head in pain “Ow, ow…”

Jerry sent a sharp, yet empty glare at the scientist “Okay, with all due respect, Rick- What am I talking about? What respect is due? How is my son supposed to pass his classes if you keep dragging him off for high-concept Sci-Fi rigamarole?”

"Listen, Jerry. I-I-I don't want to overstep my bounds or anything. It's your house. It's your world. You're a real Julius Caesar but I'll tell you something-tell you how I feel about school, Jerry. It's a waste of time,” Rick used all his energy not to roll his eyes as Jerry stared at him in absolute doubt, like he was hearing a speech from a crazy old coot that-wait, he was “Buncha people running around, bumping into each other. G-guy up front says, ‘two plus two’ The people in the back say, ‘four.’ Then the—then the bell rings, and they give you a carton of milk and a piece of paper that says you can go take a dump or something. I mean, it's not a place for smart people, Jerry. And I know that's not a popular opinion, but it's my two cents on the issue”

As Jerry still harmlessly glared at him, Rick quickly wiped his mouth on a napkin, and tossed it onto his plate. He carefully slid out of his chair, and placed his hand onto his daughter's shoulder her hands full of plates.

“This was a good breakfast, Beth,” Rick complimented with a loose smile “You really made the crap out of those eggs. I wish your mother was here to eat them”

“Oh, Dad…” Beth replied proudly, before Rick simply walked away. His smile washed away once he clamped his hand onto Ricky’s arm, and dragged him from his chair.

“Come on, w-we got work to do” Rick commanded.

“Wait I'm no-” Ricky glared briefly, before it was taken away with a swift, hard tug to his shoulder.

“You-you can stuff your face later with your _cousins_ food” Rick pointed out ever so discreetly.

“You're not payi-” Ricky was about to point his finger accusingly, until Rick's voice cut through his words like butter.

“Hey Ricky”

“What?”

“Shut up”

“Ok then…”

“What? For real?” Jerry said unbelievably.

As the Smith family went on with their lives, Morty still sat obliviously at the table. Suddenly, his eyes rolled in the back of his head, and his body went limp. And he smacked back into his plate, sound asleep.

* * *

 “H-h-hand me that screwdriver. Flathead” Rick commanded his younger self, who was practically bored to tears. With a loud, evident sigh that Rick was clearly meant to hear, Ricky tossed the screwdriver into his hand. Like Rick was deaf, he completely ignored his sigh of help, and continued to work on his portal gun.  
  
And he could count that Ricky was definitely eying it.

“Tell me again why I’m here?” Ricky said in a monotone voice, crossing his arms “I mean, if I’m, uh, going to invent that thing, why do I need to lend you a hand?”

Rick could only roll his eyes as he threw the screwdriver aside “Wow, I forgot what an idiot I was...”

“That doesn't answer my question…” Ricky growled, attempting to ignore the insult. Even if he wanted to jump on Rick and ram that screwdriver in a place he would always find it.

“I-It’s pretty obvious here Ricky, if you figure out how to get this working earlier, I-I can actually do more shit, cause, you're me”

“Then why don't you tell me how to build it?!”

“Cause you little dummy, I'm not the idiot here,” Rick snapped back. “Time’s complicated, something y-y-you won't know until you mess around”

Ricky opened his mouth to give the old man a piece of his mind, but immediately shut it, knowing where it was going. Rick would ask a question, and he would say what, and then Rick would tell him to shut his yap, and he would wallow in self stupidity. He's only been with Rick for nearly a month, but one thing was clear.

He became a giant dick.

Ricky narrowed his eyes, and stared down into the shiny metal table. It was long before a pushed back thought finally resurfaced into his mind. Sure, Rick wasn't exactly the most understanding...person in the world, but he was sure he could understand one thing. It's been itching in Ricky's mind ever since he arrived in the Smith household. Ever since he took a look at his future family held together by slimy putty. Ever since he saw his so called granddaughter with a pretty face, nice personality and an excellent ass. But, he also liked her personality.

“Hey Rick?,” Ricky said confidently, as he scooted a bit closer to him, taking in the smell of beer “I've been thinking, you know-”

“No, you may not bang our granddaughter into oblivion” Rick cut through like a swift, ragged knife through his question. Seconds later, he shoved his younger self away.

“I wasn't asking that you old fart! Specifically…”

Rick couldn't help but roll his eyes “Oh I'm sorry, you may not bang our granddaughter into the next dimension is what I meant”

“Well why n-n-not?!” Ricky exclaimed “W-w-were both practically the same age! We both-we both like pancakes with s-surup on top, and we both find people in expensive clothing attractive! I mean, if that isn't a match made in heaven…”

“Ooo you both like syrup on pancakes,” Rick said sarcastically “Let's just run both of you up to the altar and let you do it out in front of the priest. I'm sure that's what Beth and her idiot worked for.

“I not asking to have sex with her!” Ricky defended “I-I-I genuinely like her!”

Rick responded with a tired sigh “Look kid, it's pretty o-obvious your teenage hormones or whatever are controlling your penis”

“I'm 18 you-”

“Buuuut, keep it in your pants. Waaaay down. Staple that thing if you have to. I-I-I'm not gonna have my young self fuck up my future. Why-why do you think you're here?” Before Ricky could respond, Rick picked up his freshly refined portal gun, and stood up “W-We gotta pick up Morty from school. We got-got something to do”

Ricky only rolled his eyes and groaned, tired from being dragged on yet another ‘fun’ adventure. Sure, the first few times were a blast, but they slowly lost their appeal as Rick made him do rather...dangerous stuff. Like smuggling. A lot of smuggling.

Ricky suddenly stuck his hand in Rick's coat pocket, and pulled out his flask. Right as the scientist was about to go off on him, Ricky popped off the top, and took a long needed drink. Rick blinked in surprise as his younger self burped in satisfaction, and wiped off the excess from his mouth with his jean jacket. Without so much as an acknowledgement, he plopped the flask back into his coat, and shoved his hands into his pockets.

“I gotta start somewhere with your alcoholism” Ricky causally shrugged as he exited the garage. Seconds later, Rick only shrugged, took a hearty drink, and followed right behind.

It wasn't long until the two reached the school. After an argument of directions, a few smacks on the head, and an order to chicken nuggets, Rick haphazardly parked his car in the middle if the stairs, and dragged Ricky into the school along with him. Considering they both didn't knew where Morty's class was, it was only a miracle they found him so fast. In front of a locker. Hung up. With a knife dangerously close to his neck.

The bully, Frank snarled dangerously at the rather confused, yet scared Morty. Morty was hung up by his shirt helplessly as Frank practically dig his pocket knife into his neck.

"You telling me how to bully now?" Frank snarled, as he narrowed his eyes "Big mistake, Morty and now I'm gonna cut you, 'cause my family's rich"

Suddenly, Rick whipped out another gun from his coat,many shot it off, causing a thick stream of blue to shoot off. It was only moments later Frank's screams were muffled out by his icy prison, causing Morty's shirt to slide from his hand like...well, ice

"There you are, Morty. Listen to me," Rick yanked him from the floor "I got an errand to run in a whole different dimension. I need another pair of hands, cause Ricky's not enough"

"Oh, geez, Rick. W-w-what'd you do to Frank?" Morty said doubtfully as she glanced at the painfully frozen bully.

"That is definitely not legal..." Ricky responded anxiously.

"Laws are just suggestions on paper, Ricky," Rick answered back "It's pretty obvious, Morty. I froze him. Now listen I need your help, Morty. I mean, we got we got to get get the hell out of here and go take care of business," He burped "It's important. Come on, Morty"

"I don't know, Rick. I can't leave school again"

Rick suddenly my clapped do to Morty's shoulders and shook him like a rattle "Do you have any concept of how much higher the stakes get out there, Morty? What, do you think me and this dipshit can just do it all by ourselves? Come on!"

"Because this dick has his hand glued to to his flask" Ricky mumbled.

"Your opinion is irreverent"

"It's a fact"

"Your irrelevant then"

"Ok then..."

Morty anxiously rubbed his neck "Aw, geez. Okay. I guess I can skip history. What about Frank? I mean, shouldn't you unfreeze him?"

"I'll do it later, Morty. He'll be fine" Rick lied ever so reassuringly "Let's go"

Before Morty could say a word, Rick clamped onto his arm, and dragged him through the halls, on yet another adventure. Nothing could go wrong.

"AAAAHHHHH!!"

"Rick W-what was that?" Morty doubtfully asked.

"I-it's nothing Morty. Ignore it"

"FRRAAANKKK!"

"See, it's nothing"

* * *

 The trio quickly escaped to a nearby alley where Rick secretly whipped out his portal gun, and quickly shot his green, swirling portal on a wall.

"There she is. All right," Rick glanced down "Come on, Morty, Ricky, Let's go"

"Oh, geez, okay" Morty nervously replied, and he carefully stepped through the portal. Rick on the other hand, looking as uninterested and bored as ever, flung himself across the green lining of the portal, and shot into the new dimension.

Rick just walked.

Morty's eyes widened in a mixture of terror, curiosity, and and anxiety, all rolled up into one giant new emotion only he could feel. He shriveled up his arms closer to his body as the blinding colors of the new world pierced through his tiny brain. Everything from the splatter that was the sky to the oddly colorful ground was barely comprehensible for Morty. Hell, he was dragged into another dimension by his determined grandpa. And of course the small, more competent version of him.

"Oh, man, Rick. What is this place?" Morty asked reluctantly, as the trio walked though the new land.

"It's Dimension 35-C, and it's got the perfect climate conditions for a special type of tree, Morty, called a mega tree, and there's fruit in those trees, and there's seeds in those fruits," Rick explained "I'm talking about mega seeds. They're they're incredibly powerful, and I need them to help me with my research, Morty"

"What kind of, uh, research?" Ricky asked.

"That doesn't matter right now, Ricky. What matter is that we get those muthafuckin' seeeeds!"

"Oh, man, Rick. I'm looking around this place, and I'm starting to work up some anxiety about this whole thing" Morty mumbled, as he defensively rubbed his hands together. Suddenly, Rick clamped his hands onto Morty's small shoulders and bent down.

"All right, all right, calm down," He raised his hand "Listen to me, Morty. I know that new situations can be intimidating. You're looking around, and it's all scary and different, but, you know, m-meeting them head on, charging right into them like a bull that's how we grow as people. I'm no stranger to scary situations. I deal with them all the time. Now, if you just stick with me, Morty, we're gonna be-"

A loud roar suddenly ripped through his old ears, causing his hairs to stand on end. Rick snapped his head in back of him, causing a nervous drop of sweat to run down his face. A big, giant alien stood just inches in back of them, looking as hungry as ever. With a big mouth. And giant teeth. Sharp teeth.

Well fuck.

"HOLY SHIT!" Ricky yelled, causing him to freeze right in place, and stab his finger towards the creature.

"HOLY CRAP, RUN!!!" Rick screamed at the top of his lungs. He suddenly clamped his hands on the two younger boys, and yanked them in the other direction, running for their freaking lives. The monster of course, with nothing else to do, followed its meals like a hawk.

"Rick, w-what's that?!" Morty yelled in panic.

"I never seen that thing before in my life. I don't even know what the hell it is! We got to get out of here, Morty! It's gonna kill us! We're gonna die! We're gonna die, Morty!" Rick shouted back "JUST RUN LIKE HELL!!"

The loud screams continued until Rick found a relatively hard surface that resembled a rock, and hid out until the creature simply gave up and went to sniff out more prey. Until it felt like Rick wasn't going to kneel, over and die because of a heart attack, he took a giant, refreshing breath, and stood up ever so confidently. While Morty and Ricky were still having a nervous breakdown.

"Oh, Morty, Ricky take a deep breath," Rick said calmly "Breathe that breathe that fresh air in, Morty. Y-you smell that? That's the smell of adventure, Morty. That's that's the smell of-of-of-of a whole different evolutionary timeline"

"I-I'm going to die..." Ricky mumbled under his breath.

"All right, Rick," Motty agreed "look how much longer is this gonna be? Shouldn't I be back at school by now?"

"Are you joking me?" The scientist scoffed "I mean, look at all the crazy crap surrounding us. Look at that thing right there," He pointed to a creature that resembled a pile of flesh with eyes, making weird noises and rolling around on the ground, as though it was the weekend "What the hell is that thing? You think you're gonna see that kind of thing at school? Look at it just lumbering around. It defies all logic, that thing"

"And you know, could murder all of us Rick," Ricky pointed out, curiously tilting his head "I'm not a rocket scie - hell I don't need a degree to know you don't wanna die. If that thing rips off my head, we're both dead"

"Yeah, yeah I know," Rick rolled his eyes, not in the mood for a lecture, let alone from his younger self "R-Ricky look, stop being a buzzkill and look at that thing," he grabbed Ricky head and shoved it towards the creature, causing Ricky to grimace "Loooook"

"Yeah, Rick, I get it. We're surrounded by monsters," Morty said was he waved his hands freely in the air "That's kind of the reason why I want to leave"

It was seconds later the trio stopped at a high, dangerous cliff, overlooking the vast land scale of the foreign land. And something that made Rick's eyes light up as though it was a giant bottle of tequila. Even vodka would do. But nope, it was trees. Just trees. Plain ol' trees

"Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. Morty, you see this?" Rick pointed in the distance in excitement "You see what we just stumbled upon, Morty? Any idea what that is down there?"

"The mega trees?"

"That's right, Morty the mega trees with the mega fruit on them and that's what I'm talking about, Morty," Rick explained "That's where my seeds are. If we would have done what you wanted, I would have never have found them, because you're so in love with school" he rolled his eyes, like a typical teenager.

"All right, all right," Morty held up his hands in defense "So, what's so special about these seeds, anyways?"

"You ask a lot of questions, Morty. Not very charismatic. It makes you kind of an *burp* Under *burp* underfoot figure"

"And we're going to get down there how?" Ricky asked raising his brow. Suddenly, a pair of thick heavy shoes hurled right as his stomach, causing him to wince and practically bend over in pain.

"Oh god..." Ricky managed to squeak out, as his eyes practically bulged out of his head

"Just take these shoes, Ricky," Rick explained casually, as he tossed a pair to Morty "They're *burp* special grappling shoes. When you're wearing these things, these babies, you can basically just walk on any surface you want, Morty up, down, below, turn around to the left. These things really bring it all together"

Morty raised his brows doubtfully, but slipped on the shoes anyways. With a few careful stomps in the dirt, a smile of satisfaction crossed his face. With one step, he confidently dug his shoe into the dirt. Until he tumbled down like a weed.

"AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!" Morty's screamed for dear life, until he landed with a giant thud.

"Morty!" Rick shouted in shock "Hey kid, you ok?"

"You have to turn them on, Morty! The shoes have to be turned on!" Rick yelled without as so much as a shred of concern.

It was only seconds later that Ricky came running down the giant cliff, only to be meet with a painfully hurt Morty. The hurt Morty groaned as his desperately broken legs twitched around like a grasshopper. Broken was an understatement. His legs look like someone snapped a couple of toothpicks and glued them together with elmer's glue. Not even that, but with the cheap store brand.

"Morty, oh, you really d-did a number on your legs right now," Rick so obviously pointed out as he casually walked down "You know, you got to turn the shoes on, Morty, for them to work. Yeah, look I turned mine on. I had no problem getting down here. It was a leisurely breeze"

"They look very broken..." Ricky mumbled anxiously.

"I'm in a lot of pain, Rick!" Morty cried.

"Yeah, I can see that. But do you think you'll still be able to help me collect my seeds, Morty?"

"You're asking that?!" Ricky shouted in disbelief "Your a-a-a real dick you old fart, you know that?! No, no no, you're a real RICK, because at this point Dick and Rick have the same connotation! They mean the same thing!"

"Hey kid, you-you know you're calling yourself a dick too" Rick pointed out

"I have run out of fucks to give! I let my last fuck sail on the S.S Fuck, captained by Captain Fuck to the land where fucks never return! They're going to neverfuckland! Never. Fuck. Land"

Rick anxiously looked at his younger self "Jeez you got a lot of resentment my bottle in that tiny body of yours..."

"Well FUCK you too!"

"Are you kidding me?! That's it, Rick!" Morty's screamed out in anger, causing his swollen legs to aggravate themselves "That's the last straw! I can't believe this! I'm sitting here with both of my legs broken, and you're still asking me about getting those seeds?! Ooh! Ow! Oh! Y-y-you're a monster. Y-you're like Hitler, but but even Hitler cared about Germany or something...."

Rick held up his hands in defense "Okay, hold on just a second, Morty" he pointed his portal gun near the cliff, where he kept a swirling, green portal form. Seconds after he stepped in, the portal disappeared into thin air.

Ricky, after he actually ran out of his collection of fucks, took a deep breath, and bent down near Morty.

"Morty, I-think I can fix your legs Morty" Ricky said as he rolled up her sleeves.

"R-really? Ow!" Morty cried "Are you sure?"

"Uhh..." Ricky trailed off as he claimed onto his legs "No"

"Ooh! Ohh! Ooh!"

"Stop, stop twitching!"

"Hnngh! Hoo! Ooh!"

"Aw god, that didn't sound good..."

"Ohh! Aaaaagh! Oooooh!"

"Jesus Christ it looks worse...It-it looks like a complete mess here Morty. They-they look like a grasshopper just got hit by a truck...Oh jesus fucking christ your legs are still twitching..."

As Ricky shielded his view from Morty's uncontrollable legs to prevent his breakfast from spewing everywhere, the portal popped up again, revealing Rick with a giant needled filled with some, kind of thick, green liquid. Suddenly, he stabbed Morty's painfully snapped legs, causing them to strained out back to their toothpick, straight shape.

"Ooh, Ohh, Ooh. Wow, Rick," Morty jumped onto his feet, and tried out his new, fresh legs "That stuff just healed my broken legs instantly. I mean, I've never felt so good in my life. Thank you"

"Don't worry about it, Morty. Just come help me get these seeds, all right, buddy?" Rick brought a loose grin to his face and pointed to the trees .

"Sure thing, Rick"

"Heh, heh..." Ricky anxiously mumbled, rubbing his neck "I guess I might have been wrong..."

"Oh, what's that Ricky?" Rick replied sarcastically "Oh, right. When I went through the portal, I found your last fuck. It's wayyy up your ass Ricky. Like, really up your butt hole. It's a butt plug at this point"

As Ricky nervously laughed and secretly wanted to shove that portal gun somewhere inside Rick, Morty jumped up in front of the tree, and pulled down a couple of seeds.

"Not that you asked, Morty, " Rick said as he walks up to Morty "What just happened there is I went into a future dimension with such advanced medicine that they had broken-leg serum at every corner drugstore. The stuff was all over the place, Morty"

"Wow, that's pretty crazy, Rick"

“There's just one problem, Morty one little hang-up. The dimension I visited was so advanced, that *burp* they had also halted the aging process, and everyone there was young, Morty, and they had been forever. I was the only old person there, Morty. *burp* It was like I was some sort of, you know, celebrity, walking around. I-I was fascinating to them. There were a lot of attractive women there, Morty, and they they they they all wanted time with me. I had a lot of fun with a lot of young ladies, but I spent so much time there, my interdimensional portal device it's got no charge left, Morty. It's got no charge left"

"Wait what?" Ricky widened his eyes.

"What?!" Morty yelled in panic.

"It's as good as garbage, Morty," Rick tossed the useless metal away on the ground "It's not gonna work anymore, Morty"

"Oh, geez, Rick, that's not good. W-what are we gonna do?" Morty's clamped onto his head in panic "I-I have to be back at school right now. How are we gonna get back home?"

"There's ways to get back home, Morty. It's just it's just gonna be a little bit of a hassle. We're gonna have to go through interdimensional customs, so you're gonna have to do me a real solid"

"Uh-oh"

"When we get to customs, I'm gonna need you to take these seeds into the bathroom, and I'm gonna need you to put them wayyy up inside your butthole, Morty" Rick raised his finger high up into the air, emphasizing his point.

"In my butt?" Morty's nervously repeated.

"Put them way up inside there, as far as they can fit"

"Oh, geez, Rick. I really don't want to have to do that"

The scientist scoffed "Well, somebody's got to do it, Morty. Th-these seeds aren't gonna get through customs unless they're in someone's rectum, Morty"

"Uuuh..."

"And they'll fall right out of mine. I've done this too many times, Morty. I mean, you're young. Y-y-you've got your whole life ahead of you, and your anal cavity is still taut, yet malleable. You got to do it for grandpa, Morty. Y*burp*-you've got to put these seeds inside your butt"

"In my butt?" Morty's glanced at Ricky, who refused to even make eye contact with him "W-why can't he do it? H-he's you!"

Rick snapped his narrowed, interested eyes towards his younger self, who smiled and waved back. His smile however, soon faded as Rick's narrowed eyes became smaller and smaller, until it looked as though he completely closed his eyes. Suddenly, Rick leapt towards Ricky, and comfortably wrapped his arm around his shoulder.

"R-Ricky, you're gonna do a real solid for me, won't you? You're gonna-you're gonna stick this other mega seed, and shove it wayyy up there Ricky. Wayyy up there"

Ricky suddenly shoved Rick away "W-why me? Why can't you just have, uh, the kid do it?"

"Aw jeez..."

"Because Ricky," Rick rolled his eyes "You're going to be doing this sooner or later. T-think of it as-as a lesson, expect not like a crappy school course where all you do is stare off into the distance. Real life experience"

"Do...do I have to?"

Rick loose smile and eagerly shaking hands was all he needed.

* * *

 "The glarp zone is for flarping and unglarping only"

A loud flush escaped the bathroom, followed by Morty cautiously exiting, rubbing his butt in pain. Sure, the seeds were big, but he didn't expect them to be as pointy as they were. It was like a gnome rammed himself up there.

A small squeak murmured though his ears, causing Morty to snap his head around do in suspicion. When the sound of small, gradual foot steps escaped the bathroom however, he turned around, to see none other than Rick. In great pain.

"Are-Are you alright Ricky?" Morty asked "You don't look so hot..."

Rick practically waddled to Morty with his knees stapled together, as he felt that seed poke some things that didn't need to feel pain. Hell, he didn't know some of those things could even feel pain.

"N-no..." Ricky squeaked out, as his face was bright red in pain "Not really..."

They both carefully walked to the security line, where Rick had his hands stuffed right into his pockets. His sharp, cautious eyes carefully scanned the various aliens that walked, climbed, and crawled through the place.

"I don't like it here, Morty. I can't abide bureaucracy. I don't like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation," Rick explained "Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt?"

"Yeah, Rick. Let's just get this over with, okay?" Morty pleaded, rubbing his butt "I mean, these things are pointed. They hurt"

"Oh sweet god almighty this thing is ripping my ass up..." Ricky mumbled painfully.

"That means they're good ones," the scientist pointed out, ignoring his younger self's pain "You're a good kid, Morty. Those mega seeds are super valuable to my work. You've been a huge help to me. I'm gonna be able to do a-*burp*-all kind of things with them. It's gonna be great, Morty. A-*burp*-all kinds of science"

The trio moved up the line, as the aliens passed through security without a hitch. Suddenly, the alien,a gromflomite, raised up his hand, and pointed towards Morty

"You go over there" The Gromflomite commanded.

"Why does he have to go over there?" Rick demanded, aggression creeping up into his voice.

"Random check," he explained "He's got to go through the new machine"

"What's...what's it do?" Ricky asked painfully.

"It's a new machine. It detects stuff all the way up your butt"

"......"

"Run, Morty! Ricky, Run!" I know yelled at the top of his lungs, and he leapt over the security line and ran like hell for the exit. Morty soon followed, jumping right over the line and closely following Rick.

Ricky grabbed onto his ass and sighed.

"Ohhhh why?" Ricky mumbled, before Rick went back and dragged him across the line

"Aaaaaah!" Morty screamed as Rick yanked him closer.

"Red alert!"

Entire place suddenly became swallowed up by a sea of red, as the alarms blared through. As the trio bursted through the exit, a team of fly like aliens surrounded the exit, caring deadly guns.

"Ohhhhh!" Morty's cried as he snapped his head in back of him. Rick dragged the two teens and weaved them through the aliens that still surrounded the room, as though they had no idea what an alarm did. Suddenly, Rick planted his foot onto a large, glass tube filled with a thick, yellow liquid, causing it to roll over and crush a few gromflomites.

"Ohhhhhh!" Morty's yelled as he heard their bonds, or whatever they had, crush like twigs.

Rick crashed through another large tube, causing using glass to fly like, well, flies. A creature suddenly emerged out of the tube, and gasped for air, sweet, sweet air. Before it could get onto its feet, it turned into a like to wrinkly fresh, until it vanished out of existence.

"Aaaaah!" Morty cried in horror.

"Don't think about it!" Rick shouted

"RUN!" Ricky yelled.

After another corner, they met a giant dead end, causing Morty to whine in utter and complete panic. He snapped his head behind him, revealing the terrifying gromflomites and their equally scary guns. Well Rick was right. He was gonna die. Unless...

An idea suddenly popped into his head. Morty glanced down to his shoes, and snapped gym right on. Without another thought, he leapt onto the wall.

"Ooh! Oh, nice, Morty! The student becomes the teacher" Rick said with a loose grin, soon following. Ricky whined as he painfully bent down to his shoes and snapped them on. With a scream high enough to break glass, he leapt onto the wall and followed right behind.

It would have been a great idea, if the aliens didn't suddenly have wings that popped out from their backs. The trio waved through the lasers that escaped the aliens guns, until they crashed into the ground, and ran like hell into the control room. Rick immediately ran to the computer, and started to spew what looked like nonsense to Morty. Morty's raised, confused brow however was swiftly interrupted by the rain of lasers that rained inside the room, like some strange, killer rain.

"I need to type in the coordinates to our home world, Morty. Cover me" Rick commanded, as he tossed Morty a gun. He screamed slightly as the deadly gun fumbled in his hands.

"Oh, man. I mean, you know, I-I don't want to shoot nobody" Morty pleaded.

"They're just robots, Morty! It's okay to shoot them! They're robots!"

Morty's doubtfully looked at the aliens as they flawlessly shot their guns into the control room. He hesitantly raised the gun, until Ricky ripped it out of his hands, and began to casually shoot.

"Don't know, don't care, just want to go home," Ricky said with half lidded eyes "On the bright side, my butt doesn't feel like it's on fire anymore"

Ricky continued to shoot, until his laser pieced through a gromflomite's leg, causing blood to spew everywhere. It was clear then to Morty, it wasn't a robot.

Aaaaah!" He cried as he smashed into the ground, bleeding to his certain death "My leg is shot off!"

"Glenn's bleeding to death! Someone call his wife and children!"

"They're not robots, Rick!" Morty replied nervously.

"It's a figure of speech, Morty. They're bureaucrats. I don't respect them. Just keep shooting, Morty. You have no idea what prison is like here!"

"And who cares!" Ricky shouted through his lasers "I just want to get this thing outta my butt Morty!"

Ricky continued to shoot off, causing the lasers to penetrate and blow off the heads of some other, non-lethal aliens, like a fountain of blood that escaped their heads. Although Morty cringed, Ricky mercilessly shot every little thing that moved.

"Holy crap!" Morty shouted "This is insane!"

Suddenly, a giant,swirling portal opened, causing Rick to yank the two teens to him.

"Come on, Ricky, Morty!" Rick yelled "We got to get the hell out of here!"

Rick dived through the portal, emerging into the cafeteria on the other side. They slid across the table, crashing into a few trays full of what seemed to be mush and questionable things that resembled food. Right in front of Jessica.

"Wow. Did you just come into the cafeteria through a portal?" Jessica asked, as her eyes lit up.

"Uh, yeah. Well, you know, my my Ferrari's in the shop," Morty anxiously rubbed his neck and laughed like an idiot "Just kidding"

"You're Morty, right?"

"Yeah..." He blushed.

"Now's is not the time Morty" Ricky shouted as he slid Morty off the table like a wash cloth. With that' he yanked on Morty's arm until they bursted through the cafeteria, into the empty, safe hallway.

"You can get his number later. Come on, Morty," Rick grabbed Morty's helpless arm and dragged him close behind "We got to get out of here. You got to get those seeds out of your ass"

His hopes were quelled once he turned the corner. He suddenly skidded to a stop in front the people he hoped to avoid all day. Yes, that was including his daughters idiot.

Jerry angrily crossed his arms, along with the school principal and Beth "Oh, look, honey. It's our son with Albert Ein-douche and his assistant Steven Hawk...douche"

"What?" Beth blinks in surprise.

"I'm an angry father, not an improvisor" He groaned.

"Oh, hi, Jerry" Rick said in the most happy, fake voice ever heard to mankind, before he put on his 'shocked' face "Oh, my goodness, Morty! What are you doing out of class? We talked about this. Your your parents and I are very disappointed in in this behavior..."

An awkward silence went in between Rick and Jerry, causing Ricky to step aside and smile as family as ever.

"Well, you guys are doing great!" Ricky raised his thumb in assurance "Now, if you would excuse me, I gotta big dump to take..."

Ricky suddenly ran like hell, ready to rip his stupid seed out of his ass, leave Rick to fend for himself. How he was gonna kill that son of a bitch later...  
  
"No? No takers?"

* * *

"You guys should really not be touching that stuff" Rick pointed out "It's beyond your reasoning"

Jerry simply dumped Rick's stuff inside a cardboard box, without a hint of concern for anything he owned at all. His garage could actually be a garage, not some kind of lab. Angry, he dropped the box and let it crash into the ground.

"You're beyond our reasoning!" Jerry shouted as he pointed his finger accusingly.

Rick sniffed and crossed his arms "Takes one to know one"

"Dad, how could you make my son miss an entire semester of school?" Beth asked in disappointment "I mean, it's not like he's a hot girl. He can't just bail on his life and set up shop in someone else's"

"What what are you guys doing with my stuff?" Rick demanded as he saw Beth hull his box of science onto a moving truck.

Beth sighed "We're moving you to a nursing home."

"A nursing home? What are what are you, nuts? I'm a genius," Rick crossed his arms "I build robots for fun"

"Well, now you can build baskets and watch Paul Newman movies on VHS and mentally scar the boy scouts every Christmas" Jerry said with bitterness

"What does that mean?" Beth questioned.

"It's personal"

"And besides, what the hell I am supposed to do with him?" Rick pointed to Ricky, who only smiled anxiously.

"I don't know, send him back with his parents or something," Jerry shrugged "Send him to a crappy apartment for all I care! He's 18"

Ricky raised his brow and crossed his arms "With all due respect Jerry, fuck you"

"Why can't I earn some respect in this household?!"

"Dad, mom, come on. Rick and Ricky just needed my help is all" Morty pleaded.

"Morty, stay out of this," his father snapped "You are obviously not capable of judging these situations on your own"

"What are you trying to say about Morty? That he's stupid or something?" Rick raised his brow ever so elegantly.

"Oh, don't high-road us, dad. You know fully well that Morty is the last child that needs to be missing classes" Beth said aggressively.

"Can you be a little bit more specific?" Ricky questioned, raising his thick brow as well.

"Oh, for crying out - he's got some kind of disability or something," Jerry shouted "Is that what you want us to say?"

"I do?" Morty question nervously.

"Well, duh doy, son," He sighs, and bent down to his son "Look, I love you, Morty, but we both know you're not as fast as the other kids, and if you want to compete in this world, you got to work twice as hard"

"Aw, geez, dad. Y-you know, that's a lot to drop on a kid all at once..."

"Morty, t-tell your parents the square root of pi" Rick commanded.

"Oh, come on, Rick. You know I can't"

"The square root of pi, Morty. Go!"

"1.77245385..." Morty's suddenly blinked out of his weird, mind consuming trance "Whoa!"

"What the hell?" Beth raised her brow in shock.

Jerry opened his mouth in awe "Holy crap. He's right"

"Morty, tell your parents the first law of Thermodynamics" Rick commanded again.

"'The increment in the internal energy of a system is equal to the increment of heat supplied to the system'" Morty regurgitated again "Wow! I'm so smart!"

"But-"

Rick cut Jerry right off "I told the both of you school is stupid. It's not how you learn things. Morty's a gifted child. He has a special mind," he put his clammy hand onto Morty's shoulder, causing him to smile "That's why he's my little helper. He's like me. He's gonna be doing great science stuff later in his life. He's too smart for school. He needs to keep hanging out and helping me"

All Beth could do was sigh and glance over to her husband "Jerry, I don't want whatever's happening here to stop"

"No, I-I understand," Jerry nodded "Uh, maybe we overreacted. But he has to keep going to school"

"Okay, Jerry. You drive a hard bargain, but what am I supposed to do? Say no?" Rick shrugged "You you really wear the pants around here. I just want you to know, between us, from now on, it's gonna be clear communication"

Summer suddenly bursted in with tears streaming down her face. Thick black makeup lined her face as though she was about to go up on a stage for a death metal band and sing about burning flesh.

"Frank Palicky was frozen to death today!" Summer sobbed as she dived back into the house.

"No idea what she's talking about" Rick assured. Although Jerry sent him a suspicious look, he quickly washed it off and bent next to Morty.

"Okay. Well, uh, Morty, it's your bedtime in an hour. Don't stay up all night again," he took a deep breath of satisfaction and stood up confidently "This is good, though. This can work. I think we can be a family and now, Beth, if you'll have me, I would love to have you"

"You know what? Okay"

With that, Beth and Jerry left the garage, leaving Ricky to stare in awe of the ridiculously happy Morty.

"Jeez kid, you really pulled those things outta thin air, good job" Ricky complimented as she stuffed his hands into his pockets.

"I know Ricky. Holy cow, Rick. I didn't know hanging out with you was making me smarter" Morty said in excitement.

Until Rick crushed his dreams like a bug "Full disclosure, Morty it's not. Temporary superintelligence is just a side effect of the mega seeds dissolving in your rectal cavity"

"Aw, man..." Morty frowned in disappointment.

"Yeah, and once those seeds wear off, you're gonna lose most of your motor skills, and you're also gonna lose a significant amount of brain functionality for 72 hours, Morty," Rick glanced to his watch "Starting right about now"

"Ohh, man..." Morty's words twisted into his mouth as he kneeled over onto the ground and began to twitch uncontrollably. His eyes seemed to cross as his limbs uncontrollably flopped around like a fish out of water.

"Oh, geez! Ohh..."

"Uh...Rick?" Ricky said anxiously, hesitantly glancing down at Morty.

"I'm sorry, Morty. It's a bummer," Rick shrugged carelessly "In reality, you're as dumb as they come and I needed those seeds real bad, but we got one, but I need more and I had to give them up just to get your parents off my back, so now we're gonna have to go get more,"

"Shouldn't we help him Rick?"

Rick smiled in excitement "And then we're gonna go on even more adventures after that, Morty and you're gonna keep your mouth shut about it, Morty,"

"Rick?"

"because the world is full of idiots that don't understand what's important, and they'll tear us apart, Morty but if you stick with me, I'm gonna accomplish great things, Morty, and you're gonna be part of them, and together, we're gonna run around, Morty. We're gonna do all kinds of wonderful things,"

"Rick..."

"Morty. Just you and me, Morty. The outside world is our enemy, Morty. We're the only friends we've got, Morty. It's just Rick and Morty. Rick and Morty and their adventures,"

"Ok I'm just going to help him..."

"Morty. Rick and Morty forever and forever. Morty's things. Me and Rick and Morty running around, and Rick and Morty time"

"Morty, Jesus Christ stop twitching!"

"All day long, forever. All a hundred days. Rick and Morty forever 100 times. Over and over, rickandmortyadventures.com. All 100 years. Every minute, rickandmorty.com"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there's the full first episode of the series there for you. I hoped I mixed it up enough where it wasn't just a carbon copy of the original episode. I know it full of what occurred in the original episode, but I thought adding things here and there sort of mixed it up.
> 
> Thank you to all of you who left a comment. I will be thinking about changing the title, so thank you!
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoyed!


	3. Lawnmower Dog

It was just another lazy day for the Smiths. In other words, the weekend finally came over, letting the family household rest from their boring, forgettable life. The Smiths, at least.

There Ricky Sanchez sat, the younger version of the drunk-ass scientist, grilled to a crisp with any question that popped up in Jerry’s head. It felt sort of odd to him that Jerry started asking questions about him straight out of the blue, but it was probably just his way of taking what little masculinity he had left in his household. So he sat lazily on the couch and leaned in ever so close to Summer, as Jerry bombarded with with any question that popped up in his mind.

It got him out of working with Rick, and gave him some time to plan his sweet, well needed escape from the future. So far, at least.

“Rick never told me he had a sister…” Jerry said ever so suspiciously, contemplating that obvious lie.

“Uh, yeah,” Ricky shrugged “I'm her, uh, son”

“Not _grandson_?” Jerry asked ever so accusingly.

“Nope. Her name is, uh, Rika” He bluntly lied. It was such a bad lie that he practically slapped himself in the face.

“Rika?”

“What? Were you expecting Sharon or something? You want the name of one of those old hags who wave their canes in the air complain about how they don't get no respect?

“No, I-” Jerry tried to defend, holding up his hands in the air, but as always, he was swiftly cut off.

“I - HE’S old, but he ain't in diapers again”

“Of course, of course, but-” He cut himself off, as he family dog casually walked into the living room. Looking as innocent and furry as ever, the white, fluffy dog immediately grabbed the small minded mans attention as he planted himself right in front of his feet.

“What? Why are you looking at me?” Jerry flicked his hand impatiently in the air “You want to go outside? Outside? Outside?”

The dog paused at looked Jerry straight in the eye with its black beast eyes that would make any little girl squeal in delight. Or, at least until he proceeded to lift up his leg and...piss on the carpet.

“Are you kidding me?!” Jerry shouted, jumping up to his feet “Come on!”

“Oh, my God…” Summer groaned.

“Tell me about it. Way to train your dog, Jerry” Ricky said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“He's not my dog!”

It wasn't long before Morty came running in, as though an actual family emergency happened. Which seemed to be nearly every since Rick and Ricky came in.

“What's wrong?” Morty anxiously asked, slowly creeping into the room.

“Your idiot dog!” Jerry shouted, pointing his finger straight at the evidence of his freshly peeped carpet.

“Oh, he he didn't mean it, dad,” Morty defended, as he knelt down next to his oblivious dog and pet him “Did you, snuffles? You're a good boy”

“Don't praise him now, Morty! He just peed on the carpet!” Jerry demanded. Suddenly, he leapt from the couch, and grabbed the dog by the scruff. It wasn't long before he was shoving Snuffles into his own warm pee “Bad dog! Bad!”

“At least kick the poor thing outside,” Ricky said, waving his hands up in the air in defense. Even with his pathetic plead, he made little to no effort to actually help the dog.

Rick burst into the room, only to hear yelling and a dog whining ring through his ears. Before he was actually going to make a comment, his eyes laid on his two ‘helper’. In an instant, he grabbed onto their arms

“Ricky, Morty, come on. I need your help tonight” Rick said as he began pulling them out.

“Hey, wait, hold on a second, Rick,” Jerry jumped up from the poor pee soaked dog and ran to the scientist “You wouldn't by any chance have some sort of crazy science thing you could whip up that might help make this dog a little smarter, would you?”

“I thought the whole point of having a dog was to feel superior, Jerry. If I were you, I wouldn't pull that thread,” Rick warned, before he started dragging them out again “Come on”

“Listen, Rick, if you're gonna stay here rent-free and use my son for your stupid science, the least you could do is put a little bit of it to use for the family,” Jerry demanded ever so cleverly “You make that dog smart or...Morty's grounded! Ha-ha!”

“Aw, man!” Morty shouted.

“Uh…” Ricky was about to make a comment on how utterly stupid his logic was, (he was sure Rick knew that too,) but Rick swiftly cut him off.

“Boy, you really got me up against a wall this time, Jerry” Rick disappeared into the garage, and quickly patched up something together to quell the idiot that was his son-in-law. After a few bangs, he came back in, with a helmet in hand.

“All right, Ruffles…” Rick trailed off as he knelt and stuck the helmet on the dog “What's his name?”

“Snuffles” Morty corrected

“Snuffles, shake,” Rick commanded, causing the dog to put his paw on his hand “Roll over,” The dog rolled across the carpet “Go to the bathroom” The dog disappeared into the hall, only to flush the toilet seconds later.

“Holy crap!” Summer said in amazement, actually un-glueing her face from her phone.

“No way!” Jerry blinked in surprise

“Yeah, you're at the top of your game now, Jerry. Have fun,” Rick said as he finally managed to pull the two into the garage “Come on, Morty, Ricky”

“I have to admit, that was actually pretty cool” Ricky reluctantly complimented

“Yeah, that was fantastic, Rick!” Morty agreed.

“Yeah, Morty, if you like that, boy, you're you're really going to flip your lid over this one” Rick pulled a small, metal, device from under is giant microscope, and revealed it to the two, lighting up their eyes.

“W-w-w-what is it?” Morty asked in curiosity.

“It's a device, Morty, that when you put it in your ear, you can enter people's dreams, Morty,” Rick explained, before he rolled his eyes “It's just like that movie that you keep crowing about”

“You talking about Inception?”

“Wait, what's Inception?” Ricky asked, still without a clue of most modern things.

“It's that movie with Leo-Leonardo Decaprio” Morty explained.

“Uh...sure” Ricky obliviously agreed, not knowing who the hell he was either.

“This is gonna be a lot like that, except, you know, it's gonna maybe make sense” Rick pointed out.

"Inception made sense” Morty defended.

“You don't have to try to impress me, Morty,” He put his hand on his shoulder “Listen, tonight we're gonna go into the home of your math teacher, Mr. Goldenfold, and we're gonna incept the idea in his brain to give you A's in math, Morty. That way you can, you know, y-you're gonna help me with my science, Morty, all the time”

“Geez, Rick, in the time it took you to make this thing, couldn't you have just, you know, helped me with my homework?” Morty whined.

“Are you listening to me, Morty? Homework is stupid. The whole point is to get less of it,” he slammed his car door open before he slid right inside “Come on, let's just get over there and deal with this thing. W-we're gonna incept your teacher. You're-You're-You're frustrating me”

With a that, they all flew into the sky, ready to screw up something else again.

* * *

_“You don't know me!”_

The fictional character named after a breakfast plate sassily whipped her finger through the air, earning a right nod from the lazily teacher that was Mr. Goldenfold. He chuckle, causing the bowl of what looked like Cheetos to shake on his developing beer belly.

His house looked like a complete mess. For a teacher who earned a high school paycheck, he could have spruced up- Oh right, he had a high school paycheck.

“Nice, Mrs. Pancakes real nice” Mr. Goldenfold agreed, before he knocked right into sleep. Rick cautiously looked at the now snoring teacher, before he silently lifted up the window and creeped it.

“Hey Rick, isn't this, you know, illegal?” Ricky asked, even though he followed suit and climbed through.

“Way to be a kill joy *burp* Ricky” Rick rolled his eyes.

_“Next week on ‘The days and nights of Mrs. Pancakes’...”_

_“You don't know me!”_

_“Then let me get to know yo, damn it!”_

“Uh-oh! Spoilers!” Rick whispered as he grabbed the remote and shut the T.V off “I'm a full season behind”

“Wow, Rick, I can't believe we're sitting around, standing around in Mr. Goldenfold's house,” Morty said in amazement as he slipped through the window “It's really weird”

“It's about to get a whooole lot weirder, Morty” Rick suddenly rammed the small device into his ear, causing the teen to face plant into the carpet as his eyes shut closed.

“You sure this is-” Ricky was about to say, but was cut off by the device suddenly stuck in his ear. His eyes clamped shut, causing him to slam face first into the T.V, and lay there like a wet rag stuck for drying. Sure that everyone was dead asleep, he comfortably stuck himself on a bean bag chair and stuck the device in his ear.

In a snap, he was transported into a plane packed with people. Mindless chatter cured as the loveable Mrs. Pancakes rolled down the aisle with a cart full of wheat thins.

“Wheat thins. Wheat thins” She called out, only to be stopped by Mr. Goldenfold.

“I'll take two” He said seductively with a raised brow. Even in his dreams, his flirtations were enough to make Ricky cringe.

“Oh, I think you've had enough, sir” Mrs. Pancakes giggled.

“You don't know me”

As they laughed. Ricky again couldn't help but cringe again.

“Jeez, someone needs to get this guy a girlfriend or something…” Ricky anxiously trailed off “Or a life”  
  
“He's a high school math teacher Ricky” Rick pointed out.

“Fair point…”

“All right, time to make our move…” Rick whispered, eying a couple of liters of soda, a red scarf, and a pen and paper.

“Make it bounce”

“No, you didn't”

“Oh, jiggle it now”

“You better stop with that”

“ALLAHU AKABAR BITCHES!”

The three leapt out from the seats, revealing the pathetic makeshift fake terrorist group. While Morty had a scarf wrapped around his head and Rick soda bottles around his waist, Ricky slipped out with a piece of paper with absolute nonsense written on it, meant to be a death note. Screams of terror occurred, except from person.

“We're gonna take control of this plane! We're gonna 9/11 it unless Morty Smith gets better grades in math!” Rick warned. His eyes narrowed as Goldenfold slowly slipped from his seat “Hey! I said nobody move, buddy!”

"The name's not buddy. It's Goldenfold," The teacher replied slickly, before he grabbed the bowl of wheat thins "Nice to WHEAT you!"

Like ninja stars, he chuckled the thins at the three. They all widened their eyes, before they leapt for cover.

"Take cover, Morty!" Rick shouted as he slid in between the seats again.

"The fuck?!" Ricky yelled, as one wheat thin dug into his leg.

"Ooh!" Morty cried. Wheat thins dug right into his arms, covering his once pale arm in thick blood. He desperately leapt for cover next to Ricky, who chucked his bloody wheat thin him right at Goldenfold.

Right when he looked up however, his eyes widened. Instead of his beloved wheat thins in his hand, two assault rifles were let loose. Screams of bloody murder filled the cabin as Goldenfold screamed for entering shooting his guns off.

"Goldenfold's got more control here than I anticipated. I mean, the guy teaches high-school math. I didn't take him for an active dreamer..." Rick trailed off as he carefully looked at the teacher "We got to take him out so he wakes up, Ricky, Morty. But we can't get killed. If you get killed in someone else's dream, you die for real"

"What?! Are you kidding me?!" Morty panicked "Ohhhhhh!"

"That would have been nice to know you old fart!" Ricky yelled.

"Don't be a baby!" Rick hissed back "You avoid getting shot in real life all the time, Ricky. Just do the same thing here, and we'll be fine!"

It wasn't long before Mr. Goldenfold ran out of fire power. When his last bullet rang out, he groaned and chucked his guns aside. Then he heard a noise.

"Hmm?" He raised his brow in interest.

Rick quickly poked his head out "Goldenfold, we're coming out! We just want to talk!"

"Why would I negotiate with _you_?"

"Because we're both rational adults that don't want anything bad to happen," Then Rick leapt out with Mrs. Pancakes in hand, letting her desperately struggle "And because I have a human shield"

"Mrs. Pancakes!" Mr. Goldenfold screamed in utter panic.

"And-and-and were gonna kill her of you don't give Morty an A!" Ricky said, as he strapped the 'bombs' around her waist.

"G-give him an A!" Rick agreed.

Everyone suddenly stopped screaming and looked straight at the Rick. Seconds later however, all hell broke loose. All the passengers started to scream at the top of their lungs and run around like headless chickens. One passenger had the bright idea to rip the emergency escape right open.

1 mile up in the air.

Screams continued as passengers were sucked right out the plane like a vacuum, taking Goldenfold and Mrs. Pancakes in a snap.

"Oh, no, Morty. His subconscious is panicking" Rick warned as he clung onto a seat for dear life.

"Run!" Rick shouted as he grabbed Morty and clung onto a seat. No matter how much their fingers dug into the seat, they were sucked out like the rest of them. Morty screamed at the top of his lungs as Rick curled himself into a tight ball, knowing the worst was about to happen. Or, at least until Rick slapped the crap out of them.

"Relax, both of you. Look!" Rick pointed down "Mrs. Pancakes has a parachute. Come on!"

"Oh thank fucking god" Rick cried in relief as he swam right behind Rick like a flightless bird. Mrs. Pancakes squealed as the three clung onto her, like their only savior and hope.

"Hey, you don't know me!" She cried in defense, yet made little to no effort to shake them off.

"Oh, no, Rick, look!" Morty yelled and he pointed down in horror. Sure enough,,there Goldenfold sat in a pretty pink bed right next to a steaming bowl of hot lava. In his hand sat a remote, that surely controlled the giant arm.

"Goldenfold landed the plane, and he's created a mechanical arm to pluck Mrs. Pancakes out of the air while he lets us fall into a giant vat of lava! Pretty concise, Morty. Looks like we've merely prolonged the inevitable..." Rick mumbled, suddenly, his eyes widened.

"That's it, Morty! Prolonging the inevitable!" He suddenly shouted "Listen, if we go into Mrs. Pancakes' dream, everything will go 100 times slower, Morty. That'll buy us some time to figure this out!"

"You don't know m-" She was cut off by hard knock to the neck. With her knocked out, he rammed the device in her ear.

"All right, let's go" Rick said, before the three stuck the device in their own ears. The three suddenly popped into the dream further revealing a dark dank, kinky little sex dungeon.

"Didn't expect this..." Ricky shrugged.

"Oh, man, Rick, this is pretty weird..." Morty anxious trailed off. As he glanced at all the wonder's in the cave.

"Don't judge, Morty" Rick responded.

"Okay. All right, well... Look, Mrs. Pancakes is right over there," He pointed to her, as she whipped the crap out of some creature in a leather suit that left very little to the imagination "I'll just go ask her to tell Goldenfold not to kill us when she wakes up"

The scientist latched to his arm and suddenly whipped his around "Whoa, whoa, Morty, the trick to incepting is making people think they came up with the idea. Listen to me. If we're gonna incept Mrs. Pancakes, we have to blend" A few creatures grabbed his arms and began to carry him away "I'll talk to you after lunch"

“Wait Rick, Rick!” Ricky called out in slight panic “I-I’m not comfortable in bondage!”

“Is it supposed to be?” Morty asked.

“Not THAT kind of comfortable,

“Oh…”

With that thought hung in the air, the teens both aimlessly wandered the sex dungeon, looking for someway to blend in. It was difficult, considering everything in there either looked like a giant pile flesh or some other body part. Either way, it didn't look human.

“Ooh, hey! Ooh, oh! Oh, man. I'm sorry. No, no. No, thanks! Ooh, wow! No, I'm okay” Morty called out again and again as he repeatedly bumped into thing fate thing over and over again. Then he bumped into something a bit harder. And hairy.

Then Morty whipped his head around.

“Whoa! Summer?!” Morty shouted in surprise.

Summer then clean slid down her silver pole, all wrapped up in a little pink stripper suit. Morty probably saw a lot of things he hasn't seen on a real woman yet.

“Hey there, stranger,” she said seductively “What do you think of these things?”

Morty cringed and shielded his eyes from the horror of dream Summer’s bouncing boobs, shoved right in his face. In an instant, he jumped back in horror and tried tips wipe his eyes clean of the terror.

“Ohh! Oh! Gross! Gross!” Morty cried. Then of course, Ricky slowly came up, with that dashing smile of his.

“Hey there, sweet heart,” Ricky said ever so smoothly “You look lost”

“You know, I get really lost in the bedroom,” Summer said in her smooth as apple butter voice, scooting closer to Ricky “I could use a guide”

“I’ll make it a trip you'll never forget” He responded with a dashing smile that Rick could only pull off in his youth.

“No! No!” Morty cried further “You're-You're-Gross!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Rick suddenly scooted back in, all finest leather and chains the pleasure chamber had to offer “What's the matter with you, Morty? Calm down! You're kind of killing the vibe in here”

“It's Summer! And Ricky!” Morty yells, pointing to the giggling Summer with Ricky’s hand wrapped around her waist.

“Whoa, get your eager hands off our granddaughter Houdini” Rick ya kid them apart, causing Ricky to sigh in disappointment “Aw, geez. Looks like Goldenfold has some predilections so shameful he buries them in the dreams of the people in his dreams, including a pervy attraction to your underage sister”

“Can you blame him?” Summer suddenly popped up between them, and squeezed them closer through a pervy hug “Come on, old man, little boy, older boy. Let's make an inter-generational sandwich”

“Oh, with pleasure” Ricky said with a shit-eating smile.

“Oh, my God. Oh, my God!” Rick shoved himself away “Put some clothes on, for Pete's sake! This is disgusting! I'm gonna puke!”

“I can't take it, Rick!” Morty cried, as he began to curl himself up in a ball to escape that reality. At least, until the centar came wielding an axe

“Sexual hang-ups in the pleasure chamber are punishable by death!” The buff, tall centar called out, raising his axe in the air “Off with their heads!”

With that, he slammed his axe into the ground, missing the three by only inches

“Time to go another dream deep, Ricky, Morty!” Rick yelled. In an is at, he climbed up the center and rammed yet another device into his ear.

The three suddenly appeared in a dark, sticky factory, with dimly lit lights, and long hallways that lead to absolutely nowhere. It certainly had that uncomfortable, scary vibe, considering the center was cowering in fear.

“What the hell?” Ricky furrowed his brow

“Why would Mr. Goldenfold's dream version of Mrs. Pancakes' dream version of a centaur be dreaming about a scary place like this, Rick?” Morty asked.

“Geez, I don't know, Morty,” Rick rolled his eyes “Wha-what do you want from me?”

“Welcome to your nightmare, bitch!”

Completely out of nowhere, a wrinkly, dark pink head burst out of the pipe. With a menacing smile, he widened his slit yellow eyes and rammed his sword fingers out of the same pipe. Then he leapt out and darted towards the three.

“Holy CRAP!” Morty and Rick cried as they ran for their life.

“Looks like some sort of legally safe knock-off of an '80s horror character with miniature swords for fingers instead of knives” Rick pointed out as he banked a turn

“I'm scary Terry,” The wrinkly creature proclaimed “You can run, but you can't hide, bitch!”

“‘A,’ ‘b’ his name is scary Terry ‘C,’ ‘d’ he's very scary” A random voice erriely chimed in

“Holy crap!” Rick shouted “We have to escape into someone else's dreams, Morty!”  
“Again?!” Ricky yelled back.

“Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man!” Morty cried again

“‘E,’ ‘f’ he'll design your death”

The tree raced around yet another corner, only to see a random little girl playfully using her jump rope with a dead expression on her face.

“The little girl!” Rick pointed aggressively.

“Huh?”

“‘J,’ ‘k,’ he'll really ruin your day-’ he was cut off wby a flying fist at her face. In an instant, Rick crammed the device in her ear, taking them another dream deep. Or, at least he thought

“Are you kidding me?” Ricky groaned, seeing the same exact dream as before, metal, darkness and all “This again?”

“Oh, man, it looks like we've hit dream bedrock here, Morty, Ricky” Rick sighed in disappointment

“Oh, geez, Rick. W-w-whoa, this isn't good…” Morty anxiously trailed off.

Suddenly, Scary Terry popped out from behind them, causing a round of screams to fill his ear holes “Nothing but fear from here on out, bitch!”

“Ohhhh!”Morty yelled as he ran for life life once more.

“Holy crap, Morty. He can travel through dreams!” Rick screamed in fear “He can travel through dreams! We're so screwed!”

After another round of screaming, yelling, and pissing in someones pants, the three finally reached the outside world, which consisted of a dank orange sky and run down buildings. It looked more like a budget filmtown than anything else. Nonetheless, they finally found a relatively, run down car to hide in.

“What are we here for again?” Rick asked oblivious as he attempted to start the car “Incepting?”

“To get him a fucking A in math, Rick!” Ricky shouted, crossing his arms tightly.

“Y-Yeah” Morty reluctantly agreed

“Oh, yeah”

The of course, Scary Terry popped up in the back seat, right next to Ricky.

“HOLY SHIT!” Ricky screamed at the top of his lungs.

“BUCKLE UP, BITCH!” Scary Terry yelled. As the three ran like hell outside the car, escaping the knock off movie villain by a thread.

“Man, he sure says "bitch" a lot!” Morty said

“You can run, but you can't hide, bitch!”

“Hold on, Morty,” Rick skidded safely to a stop right in back of another run down building “Y-you know what? He keeps saying we can run but we can hide. I say we try hiding”

“But that's the opposite of what-” Ricky was about to say

“Yeah, well, since when are we taking this guy's advice on anything?” Rick rolled his eyes.

“...You got a really good point there, Rick” Ricky realized

“Like, if the truth was that we could hide, it's not like he'd be sharing that information with us, you know? I-I-I think it's a good idea, Rick” Morty agreed.

“Worst-case scenario we're back to running”

* * *

_6 Hours Later..._

The three carefully peaked out of the rundown building, eyeing Scary Terry as he searched around for his prey.

“Wow, you know what? I mean, it looks like we could have just hid this whole time. Boy, Rick, that was some good thinking” Morty complimented.

Rick nodded “Thanks, Morty. Yeah, it's nice to be on the same page every once in a while”

“You can run…But you can't hide!” Scary Terry suddenly yanked open the trash bin, only to see nothing. With a disappointed groan, he yawned.

“Oh, this is perfect, Morty. Look at that. He's getting sleepy. Just a little bit longer before he calls it a day. That's when we make our move” Rick said.

It was only a couple of hours later that Scary Terry dragged himself to bed next to his wife. Although it seemed creepy that the three watched him fall asleep right in his room, no one was capable of caring anymore.

“Looks like scary Terry's having a nightmare” Rick pointed out, As Scary Terry twisted and turned in bed with a sour look on his face.

“Oh, boy, Rick. I can only imagine what horrible things must, you know...scare Scary Terry…” Morty trailed off, as a dozen nightmares went through his mind. Instead of actually comforting his grandson, Rick shrugged, and carried all of them into another dream further. Morty expected horror, terror, and fear. He sort of got that…high school was that kind of place.

“Oh, no! I'm late to class, bitch!” A noticeably younger Scary Terry shouted, slamming his locker shut. Then of course, he looked down, missing a pair of pants “Oh, no! I'm not wearing any pants!”

He ran in fear, as a couple of sword finger girls giggled at him. Before Morty could make another comment, Rick grabbed onto his arm and followed Scary Terry in to a classroom. In an is at, the equally off teacher began his lesson, as though he didn't see the three awfully pale idiots. Two idiots, at least.

“Ah, well, Mr. Terry,” The instructor began, as he set down his sword fingers on his desk “why don't you tell the whole class the proper wordplay to use when one is chasing one's victim through a pumpkin patch?”

“Oh...um...bitch” Scary Terry anxiously said, earning a round of laughs in response.

The teacher scoffed “Oh, come on, Terry, you can't think of a pun involving pumpkins, bitch?”

“Hey, leave him alone!” Morty suddenly cried, leaping out of the desk.

“Yeah, this is a bunch of bullcrap” Ricky said as he gave the instructor a seething glare.

“Who cares what stupid pun you make when you kill someone?” Rick pointed out “Why don't you let the poor guy say whatever he wants?”

“Well, I never!” The monster of a teacher exclaimed, as his face blushed as bright as a...plum. With a puckered lip, he began his trek outside the class “I-I see no reason to stand here and take this”

With a loose grin, Rick put his hand on Scary Terry's shoulder “You're putting too much pressure on yourself, Scary Terry”

“Yeah, Y-you're perfectly scary enough as it is, totally” Ricky agreed with a hesitant smile, as though looking at Scary Terry burned his eyes out.

“Hey, yo, scary T., don't even trip about your pants...dawg,” Morty said in a cringy, hipster sort of way, before he rolled out a pair of pants “Here's a pair on us, fool”

“Aww, bitch. I don't know what to say” Scary Terry said, as he took the pair of pants willingly.

“You don't need to say anything” Rick responded.

“We got you, dawg. You're our boy, dawg. Don't even trip” Morty replied, as he made odd hand gestures, like he just joined a gang.

With a yawn, Scary Terry slowly opened his eyes, disappeared from the dream of his classroom. With a few blinks, his vision became clear, revealing the three smiling back at him

Scary Terry proper himself up against the headboard “Oh, hey, it's you guys!”

It was only minutes later that the three were invited to breakfast, eating something that actually seemed normal, considering the family were knock of horror villains. Yet, they ate along with Scary Terry’s wife and child.

“I haven't seen him this relaxed in years” His wife said, as she set down a plate for Rick and his younger counterpart.

“If you guys ever need anything, just say the word” Scary Terry assured, as he took in a mouthful of what seemed like eggs. It was only a matter of time the three looked at each other and grinned loosely.

“As a matter of fact, Terry, there is something you could help us with”

* * *

Night fell on the flying hovercraft as it zoomed through the air. It seemed like it was only moments ago they finally escaped Goldenfold’s dreams, earning Morty a NOT well deserved A. There was no point in arguing with Rick however. He was as firm as a brick at this point. So, they calmly flew back, waiting to get home. Or, at least until they actually got home.

“What the hell?” Ricky blinked in confusion. He could hardly comprehend what he saw seeing. It was either robots, or fofs waking back and forth inside their house, like they were preparing for the apocalypse.

“Out of the frying pan dot, dot, dot, huh, Ricky?” Ricky trailed off, watching in interest of the carnage of the dog army.

“Oh, man, what's going on?” Morty asked in fear.

“Well, it's possible that your dog became self-aware and made modifications on the cognition amplifier, then turned on Jerry, Beth, and Summer after learning about humanity's cruel subjugation of his species, but your guess is as good as mine, Morty” Rick shrugged.

“Who's dumbass idea was it to give dogs intelligence?” Ricky scoffed with a raised brow. He looked at Rick, knowing they both had the same thought.

“Jerry”

He carefully parked the flying car near a bush, before he kicked Morty and Ricky out into a bush. He dived into the same bush, and peaked out, only to see the rest of his family tied up like, well, dogs.

“Psst, Beth, Jerry, Summer” Rick hissed, earning a round of relieved smiles.

“Dad!” Beth sighed in relief.

“Ricky!” Summer cried, causing Ricky to blush ever so lightly.

It was only seconds later Rick ripped them from their collars. With a relieved sigh, Beth embraced her son.

“Oh, thank God, Morty” Beth mumbled.

“Oh, you're welcome” Rick responded, before burning Jerry off his collar.

“All right, let's get out of here,” Ricky said, as he already began to walk “If we hurry we can set up camp in a sewer tunnel or something before the dogs completely take over”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're not going anywhere,” Jerry held up his hands, causing Ricky to raise his brow “This is my house. I'm not abandoning it”

“Are you an idiot Jerry?” Ricky growled, causing Jerry to step back in defense “We're-We’re dead meat to the dogs. They’re the Soviet Union, and we’re the Americans, and-and they gonna bomb us to hell. Wait, are we still in the Cold War Rick?”

Rick simply ignored that last part “Yep, it's all over, Jerry. The dogs are on a path to total world domination. But, hey, at least they know not to piss on your carpet, right?”

Jerry’s eyes suddenly lit up “Wait a minute. I have an idea”

Rick and Ricky looked at each other as Jerry waltzed into the house, filled with dogs, ready to cut off his delicate manly parts.

“Gentlemen, a moment of your time,” Jerry said as confidently as a man could when he pulled down his pants. Then, he proceeded to piss all over the boxes and boxes of guns “See that? I'm peeing all over your special guns. That means I own them”

Snuffles walked up in his big, robotic suit, before he rammed Jerry's face into his own pile of steaming pee “Bad person. Bad”

“Ooh, great plan, Jerry…” Rick sarcastically said, rolling his eyes.  
  
“We're screwed…” Ricky mumbled, before he face planted into his palm.

It was only seconds later the fellow intelligent dogs lined them all up into a neat, straight row, right in front of the white, furry overlord. Sitting in his throne, he flicked his robotic hand demanding towards him.

“Bring the boy to me,” He commanded, causing Morty to walk up “You were always kind to me, Morty. That's why I will leave you with your testicles. From now on, you will be my best friend and live by my side”

“Th-thanks, snuffles” Morty said. With his balls, safe, he proceeded to sit on the dog bed, specially put for him.

“Begin phase two”

* * *

 _“Fighting continues as the dog army captures the eastern seaboard. It appears clear at this time... that the era of human superiority has come to a bitter end_ ” The news anchor read her final words loud and clear, before a swarm of dogs grabbed her. Fear filled her eyes as the killer dogs wrapped a muffler around her mouth _“Please! Please don't kill me!”_

“ _What's she saying, Bill?”_ The Pincher asked.

 _“I think she's saying, "I love lasagna."”_ The Saint Bernard replied.

Before more screams could fill the small, dank sewer, Ricky clicked the dinky little Television off, and curled himself up into a ball. His clothes were all worn and torn, obvious that more than a few dogs tried to bite his head off, some literally. His flowing, blue hair was well beyond his shoulders, ready for a haircut. Tied around his forehead with nothing more than a piece of Rick's old lab coat.

With his wide eyes, he grabbed a pencil and a turn journal and began writing about his day.

_Dear Journal,_

_It's been a year since the dogs took over the city. Now they've completely taken over the world._

_It's been a couple of months since Rick died. That fucktard thought it was a good idea to explore his lab to search for his portal gun. He praised that idea until the dogs chopped him to pieces. I don't know where the rest of the family is, or Morty. I'm sure Snowball is keeping him safe, considering Morty loved that little fluffy ball of evil and destruction._

_Rations are getting low. They ran out months ago, but we've survived on dog, but we can't do that forever. They're getting stronger by every waking minute. We would have lasted another few weeks on our rations if that fat ass Toby would stop stuffing his face._

Ricky briefly glared to a reasonably fat, pale man, who was in fact, pleasantly eating the leg of a Doberman.

_If things keep like this, I'm thinking I'll eat Toby first. It'll be tough, since his ass will be a tight squeeze in the oven. I'm sure there's a few cook books lying around..._

_P.S. The dogs haven't taken my testacles yet._

"What the hell happened to you Grizzly Adams?"

Ricky blinked in shock. He couldn't have heard right. It must have been his imagination. Yet, when he looked up, his thoughts were completely right.

He jumped up, causing his journal and pencil to leap out of his hand "What the hell? Rick?!"

"Yeah, yeah," Rick shrugged, like it was nothing "Listen, do you-you-you got a *burp* a beer laying around here or something"

"Where the hell where you?! It's been fucking months! I saw you die!" Ricky exclaimed, pointing to the his makeshift bandana.

"I'll explain on the way," Rick said, as he grabbed his younger self's arm "L-Long story short, were in Morty's dog's dream Ricky.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," He yanked himself away "This is all a dream?"

"Yeah, stupid inception stuff"

Ricky grinned ever so brightly, before he grabbed the gun off the shelf and went over to the fat ass pale guy who was still licking his chops.

"Screw you and your appetite Toby!" Ricky exclaimed, before he blasted Toby's brains onto the wall. With that, he set the gun back onto the table, and hummed pleasantly as he walked away.

Rick shrugged, and followed behind, leaving Toby's brains on the wall.

It wasn't long before the two snuck into the palace and found Morty. Sure, a few dead dogs were left behind them on their path to rescue Morty, but neither didn't care at all. All that was on Ricky's mind was home. He wasn't sure about Rick.

Sure enough, when the turned the corner, they saw Morty practically being groomed by two woman, wearing nothing but his boxers. His eyes widened right as his eyes laid upon Rick and his younger self

"Rick! Ricky!" Morty exclaimed "I thought you were both dead!"

"It's a long story" Ricky shrugged with a half-lidded expression.

"What happened to you?"

"I was fighting for my life, that's what"

"No, no, no, I was just playing dead," Rick shook his head "Good news, though, Morty. This whole thing's gonna be over really soon"

"What?" Morty blinked.

"It's a dream, Morty. We're in your dog's dream," Rick explained "The night the dogs captured us, after you cried and crapped your pants, we all went to sleep. Then I used my dream inceptors to put the two of us inside Snuffles' dream"

"But I-it's been like a whole year!"

"It's been six hours, Morty" Ricky corrected "Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time"

"So, you know, every day here is like a minute. It's like "Inception," Morty, so if it's confusing and stupid, then so is everyone's favorite movie," Rick used air quotes and rolled his eyes.

"Aw, man. I really liked this life. Well, at least I didn't really crap my pants" Morty said in hope.

"No, no, that happened before you went to sleep, Morty," Rick shook his head "You're sleeping in your crap right now"

"Oh..." Morty trailed off, causing the woman who surrounded him to cringe and fling themselves off the bed.

"Out of all the things that happened to you, that was the only real thing that, you know, is that you crapped your pants"

"Oohhhh"

"I mean, it's a mess out there. I got some on my hands, Morty, and then I got it on the dream inceptor, and a piece fell in my mouth"

"Aw, man, geez! Seriously?"

"Look, d-d-d-don't worry about it, Morty," Rick shook his head, and pulled out a pile of colorful pills from his coat pocket "Here, here take these, Morty. Take these"

Morty took the pile from his hands and tossed it into his mouth "Are these pills supposed to wake me up, or something?"

"Close, It's gonna make your kidneys shut down"

"What?!" Morty shouted in absolute horror "Ricky?!"

"Hey, I've been in a sewer living on dog parts for the last year," Ricky snapped, narrowing his eyes "I've-I've had nightmares about my fucking testackes being chopped off. No man in their life should have to worry about their balls being taken from them. This is a walk in the park, Morty"

"It's necessary for the plan, Morty,"Rick assured "Don't even trip, dawg"

Sure enough, Morty began to wither away like a weed drenched in weed killer. The dogs hooked him up to multiple machines, as though that would save his life. However, Snowball looked over his dying human companion like he was going to finally die off.

"It's pretty bad, emperor snowball," Ricky said in dog costume, ears, nose and all.

"We're gonna need to do another operation" Rick said, as he set aside his clipboard.

"Anything. Anything for my precious Morty" Snowball desperately said, looking lovingly to Morty.

"Sir, as your accountant, I must advise you that these medical expenses are putting you in serious financial jeopardy," The Beagle next to him warned "You could lose your kingdom"

"To hell with my kingdom, bean counter! I would trade it all for my human's health and happiness"

"Do you think they would have done this for us?"

"We are not them!" Snowball snapped. Suddenly, his expression softened, as he looked as his dying human once more

"We are not...them"

* * *

 Morning finally grew over the small city, spelling the end of the giant invasion of the dogs. Snowball pleasantly stood in his suit above a line of dogs, who began to walk through a giant, swirling portal into another world.

"Taking over the human's world will lead to nothing but more heartbreak, more cruelty," Snowball explained "Instead, we will go to a new world and colonize it with a society of intelligent dogs, one that will not make the same mistakes as humanity and one where pet insurance will be mandatory"

"I'm gonna miss you, Snowball" Morty anxiously said.

"You can call me Snuffles, Morty, and I'm going to miss you, too, very much" Morty widened his eyes as Snowball gave him a long, warm hug. When he let go, he gave one last heart wave before he disappeared into the portal. In a snap, the green, swirling portal vanished from the world.

Beth could help but hear the snorts and weeping from one particular person "Jerry?"

"I'm sorry," Jerry breathed through his tears It's just like the end of Old Yeller"

With a weak, nearly pitiful smile, she embraced her husband "Oh, Jerry. You mean because it had dogs in it"

"Wow! A whole world populated by intelligent dogs," Morty trailed off "I wonder what it'll be like, Rick"

"I think it will be great, Morty" Ricky replied.

"You know... it could be developed in-into a very satisfying project for people of all ages," Rick thought "I mean, I'd watch it, Morty, for at least 11 minutes a pop. You know, may-maybe they'll do it board-driven"

"You know, that's a real comforting idea, Rick"

"What do you know, Morty? What do you know?"

"I'm going home Rick, Morty. I'm getting myself a big glass of something after going through all this shit this day"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, sorry about how long it took to post another chapter. A lot happened in my life since I posted the last chapter, so...yeah. Hopefully since my life has evened out, I should be able to post another chapter soon.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Comments are appreciated!


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